I've been doing some ‘deeper’ reflecting on how the experiences we go through as children continue to shape us even as adults. This is due to conversations and recent client sessions, as well as personal experience. It's incredible how the words we hear during our formative younger years can linger in our minds, influencing how we perceive the world and ourselves. I wanted to share some thoughts on a topic close to my heart: the lasting impact of dismissive phrases we were told as kids and how they've woven themselves into our emotional landscape.
Recently during a chiropractic session, there is a stretch I am asked to do by my chiropractor, and it involves bringing attention to my core and moving it up my spine, or as my incredible chiropractor Steve says’s “Suck it up”. On days when I felt less resourceful, Steve's simple yet direct: 'Suck it up.' Surprisingly triggered an unexpected emotional response within me.
We all know that childhood is a time of growth and discovery, where we learn about ourselves and the world around us. It's also when the seeds of our emotional responses and self-perception are sown. Those seemingly harmless phrases like "suck it up", “get over it” “stop crying” or "it's not your problem" can pack a powerful punch. They send a message that our emotions are trivial, that we should bury them or that we're not deserving of attention.
When the people we look up to brush off our concerns, it leaves a mark. It can feel like our feelings are being tossed aside, making us question their validity. Over time, we might even start believing that expressing our emotions is a sign of weakness, or that our struggles are too insignificant to be acknowledged. This can lead us to bottle up our feelings, creating an emotional pressure cooker that simmers beneath the surface.
As we grow up, those messages can start showing up in unexpected ways. Have you ever found yourself getting disproportionately emotional in certain situations? Maybe something triggers you, and you can't quite put your finger on why. It's as if you're back in that vulnerable spot you were in as a child, feeling like your feelings don't matter.
This heightened sensitivity can serve as a defence mechanism, a way of protecting ourselves from feeling dismissed all over again. We're on high alert, ready to react to even the faintest hint of rejection or invalidation. A seemingly harmless comment or action can set off a cascade of emotions that might seem excessive to others but make perfect sense to us.
Recognising that these triggers are rooted in childhood experiences is the starting point on the path to healing. Understanding why we react the way we do can be a game-changer. It opens the door to reevaluating the beliefs we've carried with us for so long. Seeking support or engaging in self-reflection can help us untangle those negative thought patterns that have become woven into our psyche.
Learning how to express our emotions in healthy ways is pivotal in breaking the cycle of sensitivity. This means developing effective communication skills that allow us to convey our feelings constructively. Not only does this foster better relationships, but it also diminishes the impact of those triggers that have been haunting us.
If you've ever been close to someone who's walked this path, you know that compassion and understanding can make all the difference. Rather than dismissing their reactions, validating their feelings creates a safe space for them to open up. Encouraging open communication can counteract the messages of the past that told them their emotions weren't necessary.
From the child who was told to "suck it up," to the adult who's easily triggered – the road is complex. But it's not a road without hope. Through self-awareness, Havening, and the support of loved ones, we can slowly break free from the emotional chains of our past. Our sensitivity isn't a weakness; it's a testament to a heart that once cared deeply and is now learning to heal.
Thanks for reading, and remember, we're all on this journey of self-discovery together.